I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
