after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize