I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
