I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
