ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
