roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
