our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
