We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
