I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
