im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
