hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
This house was built for laser tag.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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