worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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