We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
