ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
