The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
