I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
