So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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