sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
i now understand why vodka
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
