yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
