If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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