And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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