Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
So vagazzling was a success
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
