You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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