i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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