some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
