he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
