the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
