Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Someone shattered a urinal.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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