How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
