it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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