does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
