I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
