I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
