It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
we made out on top of his cat.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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