Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
