yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
