awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
