I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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