these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize