So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
