My brain says no but my pants say off.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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