Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
