I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
