There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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