I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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