Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
