Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
