she woke up with a sticky ear
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
