Your face is a jimmy john
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
