all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize