shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Couch. On fire.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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