Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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