I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
