Your face is a jimmy john
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
