this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
