I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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