You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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