it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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