i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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