This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
