I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
His nipple licking is glorious
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