if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
