In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Randomize