Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
