I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
