bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
