Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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