I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
