8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
