Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
