Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
