11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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