I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
