i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
