Apparently you make a good broom.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
