I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
All I want is dick and wine.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
