mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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