on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
