So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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