It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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