i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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