I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
