I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
