put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
