just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
