My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
