I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
