This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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