In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
