I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize