So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
