My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
