dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
