my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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