the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
