don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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