I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
